You know you're living in 2009 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password in the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have in the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12. You' re reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.
16. If you're picking you a friend and you phone from the driveway rather than honk; or (God forbid) go knock on the door.

Invisible.Desease

As a young girl of 10, Marilyn Shuler developed polio; a virus which has been virtually eliminated in the United States. However, in the 1940s and '50s, when Marilyn was a girl; polio was an epidemic, affecting thousands of children every summer. Polio was the AIDS of its day, with fear and misunderstanding about contagion. Not only was the disease physically crippling and potentially fatal, but it also carried a tremendous social stigma; mostly because it was associated with poverty.

The stigma was compounded by the forced quarantining of the entire family for three weeks once polio was diagnosed in any member of the household.
The social isolation gave Marilyn empathy with others who; because of the color of their skin, their religion, or other disabilities; were also seen in an unfair way.

"I couldn't go to school because of the stairs; I couldn't climb them.” The lowest point, she says, was when she fell in a class and the teacher refused to help her up.

"If I'm on a scooter, having a hard time, people are courteous because it's very obvious I need help. But I wonder what it would be like if I had a mental disability? I could have walked in, feeling like committing suicide, and no one would know because it's so hidden. It isn't as easy to be of assistance."

So many of us suffer from an ‘invisible disability’. The people around us would be happy to help us but they can’t see the thoughts of suicide that run constantly thru our minds. Those that have been told that such things are happening to others just can’t believe people could think those kind thoughts. Many of us suffer from the ‘polio’ of our day. It is our duty to educate both ourselves and those around us.


http://australianscreen.com.au/titles/homes-for-crippled-children/clip3/

http://microbiology.columbia.edu/PICO/Chapters/History.html

My Life - My Joy

I married a sweet, innocent girl 39 years ago and she married depression. She has stood by me these many, many years. She’s been my comfort and the rock I've clung to for almost as long as I can remember. I would gladly lay down my life for her

She has never read my blog so she will never see this. I have a few friends out there and I want them to know how I feel about my life partner. She’s the reason I want to live. I love her

I'LL GO TO MY GRAVE LOVING YOU
(written by Don Reid)
The Statler Brothers - 1975


I'll go to my grave
Loving you
I'd give all I've saved
Loving you
And when I live again
Even then, it won't end
For I'll go to my grave
Loving you

Oh to stay this way forever
There's nothing I wouldn't give
I'll prove to you daily what a man really is

I'll lay down my life
Loving you
I'd work day & night
Loving you
And when God calls us both above
Honey you'll know that you've been loved
For I'll go to my grave
Loving you
I love you Sherry

The Healing Pulse

Vagus Nerve Stimulation (VNS) is a treatment for certain types of major depression. VNS uses an implanted stimulator that sends electric impulses to the left vagus nerve in the neck thru a lead wire implanted under the skin.

VNS Therapy has been shown to significantly enhance the quality of life. Benefits include increased energy, improved relationships with friends and family members, and better ability to function at work and in daily activities. VNS Therapy has been shown to succeed when other antidepressant treatments have not worked or have stopped working. The effectiveness of VNS Therapy improves over time and lasts long term.

VNS Therapy is delivered by a small device that is implanted in the left chest, just under the skin much like a pacemaker. From there, electrical leads are connected through a second incision to the left vagus nerve in the neck. This whole procedure takes about an hour. It's typically done as an outpatient basis.
VNS delivers a small amount of electrical current to the left vagus nerve. The electrical impulses are thought to desynchronize the abnormal electrical brain activity.

http://www.mcchildrenshospital.net/programs-and-specialties/neurosciences/epilepsy-center/vagus-nerve-stimulation
http://www.novelguide.com/a/discover/gesu_03/gesu_03_00474.html
http://www.articlealley.com/article_165537_17.html

The Very Idea

I was going to write about suicidal ideation but my wife said what I wrote was too morbid. She also said it might give others an excuse too do something that can not be undone. I'd appreciate some feedback. Should I or would I do damage to others? If there's a chance I might hurt someone, I won't do it.

The Lighter Side

I just want to lighten the mood a bit. I've been getting depressed writing this blog. I saw something like this on Nether Region of Earth ll
I've been keeping a list of my own for some time now. If you're my age...60 going on 16 you may find some humor in this list. I hope so. Have fun

I Remember:

1. "Only The Shadow Knows"
2. 15 Cent McDonald Hamburgers
3. 25 Cent A Gallon Gasoline
4. 45 Rpm Records
5. 5 Cent Packs Of Baseball Cards - With A Pink Slab Of Bubble Gum
6. 78 Rpm Records!
7. A Seam In Women’s Hose
8. Alaska And Hawaii Becoming States
9. American Bandstand
10. Armstrong Stepping Onto The Moon
11. Baseball Cards In The Spokes Of A Bicycle
12. Blackjack, Clove, Tutti-Frutti And Teaberry Chewing Gum
13. Pop Bottle Openers
14. Burning Our Trash In The Back Yard
15. Candy Cigarettes
16. Charles Atlas Course,
17. Cigar Bands For Rings
18. Clotheslines
19. Coffee Shops With Tableside Jukeboxes
20. Cooties
21. Cork Pop Guns
22. Duck-Tail Hair
23. Erector Sets
24. Flat Tops,
25. Fly Paper,
26. Going Steady
27. Green Stamps
28. Having A Weapon In School Meant Being Caught With A Slingshot
29. Hi-Fi's
30. Hula Hoops first came out
31. Home Milk Delivery In Glass Bottles With Cardboard Stoppers
32. Home-Made Ice Cream
33. Howdy Doody,
34. Hula Hoops
35. Indian Burn
36. James Dean
37. Lincoln Logs
38. Lost In Space
39. Loud Mufflers
40. Metal Ice Cube Trays With Levers
41. Moon Hubcaps
42. My Three Sons
43. Newsreels Before The Movie
44. Oly-Oly-Axen-Free Free Free
45. One Bathroom Homes
46. Our First TV Set
47. P F Fliers
48. Party Lines
49. Pedal Pushers
50. Penny Candy
51. Penny Loafers
52. Window Air Conditioners
53. Petticoats
54. Rin Tin Tin
55. Roller-Skate Keys
56. Rotary Dial Telephones
57. Roy Rogers
58. Sadie Hawkin’s Dance
59. Sock Hops,
60. Soda Pop Machines That Dispensed Glass Bottles
61. Stick Shifts
62. Studebakers
63. Swamp Coolers
64. 'Swats' In School
65. Steel Taps On Your Shoes
66. Telephone Numbers With A Word Prefix...(Raymond 4-6011).
67. The Hit Parade
68. The Kennedy Assassination
69. The Nelsons
70. The Outhouse At Grandma’s
71. The Worst Embarrassment Was Being Picked Last For A Team
72. Walking To School In The Rain
73. Washtub Wringers
74. Wax Coke-Shaped Bottles With Colored Sugar Water Inside

Visual Depression

I found this while surfing the web. I can't read the author's name but I find his/her work moving.

Alive Outside - Dead Inside

As you can see: I have a lot of dead-looking trees on my site. They are called Bristlecone Pines and are the oldest trees (oldest living things) in the world. They appear to be dead but are very much alive.
History books generally point to 2550 B.C. as the approximate date when the pyramid of Giza was under construction
To help you realize just how old today's Bristlecones are, some of theses ancient trees were taking root when the pyramids were being built.
One of the oldest still alive, called Methuselah, has been dated at 4,775 years. Methuselah was some 3,000 years old when Jesus walked the earth.
They appear dead on the outside but are alive on the inside. A depressed person is just the opposite. We appear to be quite alive on the outside but are dead within.

The Tragedy of Depression

I have decided to take the seven symptoms of depression 'mixed states' that I suffered 'and still feel', and write about them. I'm not going to 'teach' depression but I'm going to 'talk' depression. Some of you will be offended and I apologize in advance for that but I feel the the only way to:
1 obtain the catharsis I need
2 give someone who suffers like me some help
3 enable 'normal' people to understand that depression is a real disease and we can't help the way we feel
When I build up the courage

The Loneliness of Depression

1. Agitation - emotional state of excitement or restlessness
2. Anxiety - painful or uneasiness of mind
3. Fatigue - weariness from bodily or mental exertion
4. Guilt - a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense,
wrong real or imagined
5. Irritability - easily irritated or annoyed; readily excited to
impatience or anger.
6. Suicidal ideation - thoughts about suicide, which may be as
detailed as a formulated plan, without the suicidal act itself
7. Rage - violent anger….a fit of violent anger

Agitation
I just can’t sit still.
I leave my office and go down to the assembly line. My hands sweat. Sweat runs down my sides. Everything is going okay…. except my leadman John is piling up way too many rejects. I’m going to have to pull someone off the line and have them repair the pumps on downtime. That will come right out of my budget and I have to account for every penny. I turn to Karen at the sub-assembly bench.
“Can I have a cigarette?”
‘I thought you quit smoking.”
“Just one…..come on Karen.”
“Okay but you were up to a pack a day and I thought you were doing so good”
“Just this one, okay?”
“That’s what you said an hour ago.”
“Come on…..just one more”
The nicotine hits my system and I feel a bit of respite.
Karen looks at me.
“Everything is going smooth Darrel; you don’t have anything to worry about.”
How does she know? Can she feel the terror I feel? How can she tell that I’m screaming inside? Can she really see my fear?
“Darrel, its okay.”
I turn and walk away before I break down and cry in front of her. I know she can see into my soul and that frightens me even more. I’ve got to get away from Karen lest all the fear come gushing out.
From ten feet away I glance back at her to see a quizzical/hurt look on her face. She knows and cares but I can’t let myself break the shell. My shell protects me.
My shell.

Desired Things

"Desiderata"

(Latin for "desired things") is an inspirational prose poem about attaining happiness in life. It was first copyrighted in 1927 by Max Ehrmann.

Some of you may not have read it. Please do…and find what peace there may be in the words of this now immortal poem.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,

And remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible without surrender,

Be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others -

Even the dull and ignorant, they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons - they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,

For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career -

However humble, it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

For the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is.

Many persons strive for high ideals,

And everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.

Especially do not feign affection, neither be cynical about love.

For in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

It is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the council of the years,

Gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune,

But do not distress yourself with imaginings -

Many fears are borne of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe.

No less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

In the noisy confusion of life,

Keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

It is still a beautiful world.

Be careful. Strive to be happy.

http://www.fleurdelis.com/desiderata.htm

Transmitters & Receptors

1. A neuron sends a transmitter across the synapse (gap
between neurons) and
2. The next neuron receives it thru a receptor on its surface. When
a matching neurotransmitter and receptor come into contact with each
other, the neurotransmitter locks into the receptor.
3. The receptor then becomes activated.
4. When there are no neurotransmitter molecules around to unlock
the receptors, the receptors remain in a closed or inactive state
5. Free floating neurotransmitters are taken back up by the neuron
that originally released them. This is called reuptake.

SSRIs inhibit (or reduce) the action of reuptake so that there is more serotonin in the synapse

It has been found that there is an association between depression and three
main neurotransmitters:
1. Serotonin,
2. Norepinephrine
3. Dopamine

These three neurotransmitters function within the brain and regulate
emotions
1. Reactions to stress
2. Physical drives of
a. sleep
b. appetite
c. sexuality.

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.cdhb.govt.nz/totara/images/brain.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.cdhb.govt.nz/totara/brain.htm&h=498&w=492&sz=51&tbnid=dUlWfxcKiTC8DM::&tbnh=130&tbnw=128&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dpicture%2Bof%2Bneurotransmitter&hl=en&usg=__xKshuJswgiNm1VWVvPaGxmRBHzk=&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=4&ct=image&cd=1

http://cwx.prenhall.com/bookbind/pubbooks/morris5/medialib/psychplace/synapse/intro.html