After over 30 years of doctors, psychiatrists, and therapists I was diagnosed with Mixed States. I was put on Lithium, Equatro, and Thyroid. It took about 3 months but almost miraculously I actually began to feel better. It was as though I were tentatively finding my way out of a long dark tunnel. At first the light was so intense that I really couldn’t bear it. I retreated back into the tunnel where I was ‘comfortable’.
After seeing improvement then retreat, my wife almost threw up her hands, but I guess she figured she had so much invested that she may as well hang in there a little longer.
I’ve been on my new medications for about one and a half years. I’m not completely out of the tunnel though. My doctor still has to tweak my meds by changing dosages and adding things like folic acid and Co Enzyme Q-10.
The biggest problem I face now is how do I overcome the personal quirks that depression has forced on me over the last 30 years?
For example; my temperament is that of an easy-going, fun-loving person, but the rage in my depression has driven my wife away from me. When she would isolate, then, of course, I would too. How do I change this emotionless shell I’ve built around myself? I’m trying to be the man God meant me to be but I just don’t know how to change. Can anybody help me? I just need some advice.
