Sherry’s in surgery and I wait
Across from me a family of twelve waits for news of their loved one. He’s in for open-heart surgery. Their concern is palpable and rightly so. He could so easily slip away into that great dark night from which no one returns.
Unbidden, dark thoughts crowd my mind; demanding attention. All the what-ifs clamber for attention.
What if the infection spreads? What if it overruns her defenses and she follows her sister, mother, and father to that place where I can not go? What if she leaves me and I am left to travel the corridors of time alone?
STOP! Stop thinking like this! Stop thinking these selfish thoughts. Its only the depression trying to worm its way back into my mind. This is simple surgery and I’ll see her again shortly.
But what if I lose her? What will I do? She is the light around which my life revolves. I don’t want life without her. We have been married almost half of our lives. I can’t conceive of life without her. What would be the point?
What is life without Sherry?
The volunteer behind the desk jars me from the downward spiral of my thoughts.
‘’Can I get you some coffee or coco Mr. Lavender?’’
I shake my head and mutter a, ‘’No thank you.’’
Grateful for the reprieve from these depressing thoughts, I get up to stretch my legs.
In the hallway I get a drink and turn back to the waiting room. I pass a nurse pushing a gurney. I don’t look. It’s so invasive to stare at another at what is for many the lowest point in their lives. Don’t look. Leave them what little dignity they have left. Just walk on by.
Don’t look. Just walk on by.
The nurse pushing the gurney stops and turns.
‘’Mr. Lavender?’’
I turn and see the greatest treasure my heart has ever held; Sherry.
Sherry is home now and doing fine. All my fears were just the wanderings of a frightened mind.
I have my treasure back.
.
I'm so happy for you-- and for Sherry. I wish her a speedy recovery.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very well written piece Darrel. I would say you and Sherry are fortunate to have each other.
I am so glad that Sherry is doing better. I think we all have those thoughts when our loved ones face a crisis that we cannot "fix". I wish her a speedy recovery and I am glad that you survived this as well.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I really like the new title.
Tricia
ReplyDeleteLet's just say I'm fotunate to have Sherry
Inge
ReplyDeleteOne of the nurses told Sherry; ''Now don't you be nervous.''
Sherry responded, ''He's more nervous than I am.''
TRUE!!!
Darrel...I am so very proud of you....Wow...to think that I know someone that is so brilliant in his thoughts and how to share his feeling and his heart...No my friend....do not say that only you are the blessed one for having Sherry in your life...I do believe that Sherry is also the blessed one to have such a dear and tender hearted husband. darrel...I am also so proud of you that you are able to share your sadness with others...I also have suffered from depression in my late forties. It is a terrible feeling and I have felt so mad that I do not have the same vigor that I use to have for life. My husband is a LMFT and by his side I have been able to learn and deal with my daily life...I use to hope that I would somehow work my way out of my depression..but after 10 years of it...and meds that never work...I am just resigned to working around it as best as I can. Sometimes,more often then not...I feel guilty that my husband has to put up with a wife that does not have the "energy" to do more...I feel like I am hindering him from doing more with his life...because I am always saying...I just want to stay home!!!??? That in itself is depressing. I pray that Sherry will be o.k. since her surgery...I will pray for you both. I would like to keep up with all your write-ups so please let me know how I can do that. God be with you Darrel and your dear wife.
ReplyDelete