I know this is a bit ''over the top' but its all I can think of right now
Last night as I was crawling into bed I felt the demon of depression attempt to insinuate itself into my mind. Having spent the last several months relatively free from the scourge, I was acutely aware of its insidious attempts.
However, I found I was still unable to fight it off. It was just like old times….I felt completely powerless in the grip of this thing that had controlled my soul for so many years.
Nothing can describe the darkness of depression. The blanket of black that covers you as you lay there trying to sleep. Thoughts race through your mind. Thoughts of ‘’could have…should have''. Thoughts that won’t go away.
That’s where suicide is born.
When the pain of living becomes greater than the ability to cope.
Will I voluntarily step off into that abyss? No…. I believe my faith will see me through.
I'm happy to see you posting again, but this isn't what I was hoping for. I'm sorry you are still in the dark grip of this monster. I have been to that place you speak of-- I never want to go there again, and I hope you will use whatever tools you have to dig your way out of this. My best to you Darrel.
ReplyDeleteIts worst in the evenings when my mind has time to roam. Some of the most valued tools I use to help me climb out are friends like you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for caring
Thanks for the comment-I thought I'd return the favor. I understand-I have bouts of depression sometimes in relation to other chronic illnesses and physical challenges. Some days the best thing you can do is focus on 1 or 2 basic life skills-(if you don't have to leave home for work or anything)- like getting out of bed and brushing your teeth and taking a shower or bath, when you'd rather stay in bed. Take care & God bless.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the advice........I appreciate someone who can speak from experience and not just say ''cheer up...you have a good life''
ReplyDeletedarrel