Alone

I don't know who Cathe St Jean is but she knows my heart. The words she has penned speak directly to the way I feel so much of the time
Perhaps you too have been ALONE.

Alone - alone in a crowd
The fears that I will never say aloud
The hidden tears no one will ever see
Alone in a crowd . . Just me

People going here and there
Sometime they smile, sometimes they glare
Some run fast and some so slow
In life's constant ebb and flow

Alone - alone in a crowd
The fears that I will never say aloud
The hidden tears no one will ever see
Alone in a crowd . . Just me

They say hello, how do you do?
What can I do to help you?
With a face that isn't real
Just to try and seal the deal

Alone - alone in a crowd
The fears that I will never say aloud
The hidden tears no one will ever see
Alone in a crowd . . Just me

It's party time. Let's sing and dance
Raise the glasses and give the glance
Tell some stories, hear some lies
Meet the jokers in disguise

Alone - alone in a crowd
The fears that I will never say aloud
The hidden tears no one will ever see
Alone in a crowd . . Just me

written - Cathe St Jean 20005

My Mask

I open my eyes and fix them on the ceiling. A heavy weight presses down on my chest. Another day……. God, why did you allow me to live another day? The heaviness continues to press as I contemplate the day ahead of me. My soul cries silent tears, Not again, oh please God why another day? Why couldn’t you let me slip away into the great dark night?
I roll out of bed and head for the bathroom to perform my morning ablutions
I lean again the sink and stare into the brown eyes that used to be so alive with dreams and plans.
Aren’t the eyes the mirrors of the soul? These eyes are dead and vacant. There are no plans and dreams shining from them There is nothing but emptiness.
My feet dragging, I being to prepare for another day of deep dark misery
In the car, on the way to work I carefully begin to construct my mask. I must have my mask of cheer lest any find that I suffer from something no one understands. How many times have I heard
1. "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps"
2. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself"
3. "There are a lot of people worse off than you"
4. "Happiness is a choice" (two prominent physicians)
5. "Have you been praying/reading the Bible?"
6. "This is a place of business, not a hospital" (after confiding to my supervisor about my depression)
7. "Depression is a symptom of your sin against God"
8. "Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days"
9. "Quit whining. Go out and help someone else and you won't have time to brood"

I smile and act as though the advice that I am given is actually worthwhile. I know they mean well, but it’s like telling a polio victim they will walk again if they’ll just think a little more positively. Saying something like that would be an insult and the speaker would be shamed by others for making such remarks. My favorite is, “Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed for once for SEVERAL days”.
I wear the mask all day and find my energy sapped by the end of the day. It’s all I can do to get home and crash. What does this do to my family?
I’m a failure……………a failure…….nothing but the shell of a man.
I keep my mask close by lest I need it…….but what I really need is sleep so I can recharge for tomorrow………another hopeless day.
Hoping against hope that the night will close in on me and stop this pain……………..please stop the pain.

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally , the guys' side of the story. We always hear " the rules " From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say WHATEVER you have to say during commercials.. 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared t o discuss such topics as BASEBALL, Football or golf.

1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know , I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.

Angels Unawares

They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone Psalms 91:12